Dear Readers,
The holidays are upon us. For many of us who are recovered, the holidays can be a time of joy and celebration. It’s a time when we can be with family and dear friends. We share laughter, memories, sometimes tears, and finally the pleasure of eating with our loved ones.
For people who are still struggling with eating disorders and depression, the holidays bring up many different kinds of stressors. Shopping for holiday gifts can be exhausting and financially draining. Most holiday events are centered around large amounts of food. There may be a great deal of pressure from well-meaning friends and family to eat and drink more than is comfortable for us. Dysfunctional family interactions and social situations can be a source of tremendous stress. For many of us, the holidays may bring up extremely unpleasant memories of previous occasions, and for many, holidays never seem to live up to our expectations. All of these factors can lead up an increase in eating disorder behaviors, whether it be restricting, bingeing, purging, or overeating . If we believe that eating disorders have a stress-related component and that we use eating disorder behaviors as a way of coping with stress in our lives, it’s almost guaranteed that the holidays will be a time when we’re most active in our behaviors, experiencing increases in depression, guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and low-self-esteem.
Therapists can help their clients through these difficulties by helping clients role play potentially stressful scenarios. They may help their clients develop structured plans for navigating the holidays as well as learning assertiveness techniques to deal with family and social pressures. They may need to limit their exposure to particularly “toxic” people and destructive interactions. For those people who have lost a loved one or anticipate that they’ll be alone, they’ll need to think about how they’ll manage their time and the painful loneliness they may experience.
And it’s possible that therapists may not be available during the holidays. When a person is struggling and has no one to call, the discussion boards at the Mirasol site are always available (www.mirasol.net). The Mirasol site also offers a Links page to other eating disorder resources. Go to the
Here is a list of strategies to help during the holidays. These are courtesy of Sharon Sward, President of Eating Disorder Professionals of Colorado and author of You Are More Than What You Weigh.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
(What if:)
H unger means you eat when physically hungry instead of emotionally hungry.
A ttitudes about your size has to with the size of your heart instead of the size of your body.
P arents accept and value you for who you are, not according to how you look.
P roblems are resolved in ways other than stuffing your feelings with food.
Y ou spend as much time and energy on helping others, as you do on how you look.
H appiness comes from within rather than from expectations of others.
O ccasions for the holidays emphasize relating to others instead of emphasizing food.
L ove of self means you deserve to treat yourself in the best humanly possible way.
I dentity of self involves more than how you look.
D isapproval of self is changed to approval of who you are.
A cceptance of what one can not change includes your body features.
Y ou treat yourself as you treat your best friend.
S ociety values you for being you without emphasis to your weight or size.
What I encourage everyone to do who has been a client of mine is to plan, plan, plan. (Incidentally these strategies work for every day, not just during the holidays!)
When you first get up in the morning, after your morning ministrations, sit in a chair for 2-5 minutes, breathing deeply. Quiet yourself so you can become focused on the work at hand!
- First of all make a schedule of all of your activities for the day.
- Then take that list and circle situations which may be stressful for you.
- When it’s a meal, write down exactly what you intend to eat (this is not written in stone, as you may change your mind, but it will serve as a guide).
- If it’s an event, write down what specifically is stressful, what you fear might happen, and what strategies you will use to deal (in advance) with the situation.
As an example, I’m going to meet my mother for lunch. One of my mother’s biggest faults is that she loves to play food police. No matter what I eat, to her it’s never enough! Since I know I’m going to meet her at a Mexican restaurant, I know that I’ll order the chicken taco salad with no sour cream. This is something that feels safe for me and that will meet my nutritional and caloric requirements. So I automatically will have the menu difficulty handled. Then I write out several assertive statements that I can make to my mother to deflect her criticism.
(Mother comments)
1. Thank you for your concern, mother. This is exactly the right amount for me to eat right now.
(Mother comments again)
2. Mother, I feel angry when you keep telling me what and how much to eat. This is something I work on with my therapist and my dietitian.
(Mother comments again)
3. Mother, I want to tell you that if you keep on discussing my food, I will take care of myself by leaving the restaurant.
(Mother still can’t keep quiet!!)
4. I leave.
This is just one example of how beneficial a plan can be. Before I even meet my mother for lunch, I know what I’m going to eat and what I’ll do if she acts in a less than respectful manner towards me.
I continue through my day and the amount of relief I feel after this process is enormous. This does not mean that I’ll do everything perfectly or even as planned, but I won’t be surprised. I’ll be ready!!
I hope that each and every one of you has a happy, peaceful, and truly blessed holiday season.
Warmly,
-Mary Summer Rain? s Guide to Dream Symbols
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From pale-reflections.com
(1) Plan ahead. Think of a friend or family member who you can call when you are feeling stressed. We have feelings and emotions that resurface during the holiday season and it is important to have a plan for when those feelings arise so that we do not behave in a self-destructive way.
(2) Take care of your body! Traveling during the holiday season can be physically exhausting. Make sure your body has an opportunity to stretch and that your muscles are given a break and a chance to relax.
(3) Be sure to get enough sleep! The hustle and bustle of the holiday season may be exciting, but depriving your mind and body of sleep can create an unhealthy imbalance, which will interfere with your ability to handle stress positively.
(4) Listen to your body! During the holiday season it is easy to neglect our hunger and fullness signals. Try to maintain a balanced meal system and be kind to yourself about what you are eating.
(5) Take time for yourself! Plan to spend some time everyday - even if it is only 10 minutes - to take a walk, write, or just be. In order to maintain a perspective on the holiday season, it is important that you take some time to reflect on your experiences and the meaning of the holidays. Try to think about what is truly important in your life.
(6) Make sure that there is food available that you feel comfortable eating. Check ahead with the host and find out about ingredients if it will put you at ease. Offer to bring a dish so that you are sure there will be food available for you. It is ideal to have as little anxiety as possible surrounding the food, especially during the holiday season.
(7) Be curious. If you find that you are berating yourself for over-indulging or eating foods you normally would not eat, try not to be judgmental about those feelings. Write in a journal, call a friend, or talk about it with your therapist. Remember that the food is just a symptom of the emotions and everything else that you are feeling.
(8) Enjoy yourself! Make sure you take time to enjoy the people around you and the essence of the holiday season. Television depictions of the holidays do not resemble the reality that accompanies the festivities. Every family encounters stress and every family has a different holiday experience. Try to enjoy the special moments by creating memories instead of fussing over unfulfilled expectations.
(9) Focus on aspects of life unrelated to food and weight! Take a break from the repetitive messages about body image on television or in magazines. Do something you would not normally do - go for a hike, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or visit with friends. The holidays are a time for reflection and celebration, so make sure you take time to do both with the people you care about.
From something-fishy.org
- Use the ideas below, and your own ideas, to make a Coping Bank!
- Write in your Journal
- Listen to your favorite music
- Watch a sunset
- Color in a coloring book
- Play your favorite instrument
- Tell one person how you feel
- Teach a child to play a game
- Pop or stomp on bubble-wrap
- Have a water balloon fight
- Paint a picture
- Go to the pet store
- Take a long hot bath
- Go berry picking
- Hug someone
- Take a long drive
- Pack up some clothes for charity
- Go to a concert
- Take a leisurely walk
- Rent your favorite movie
- Take a trip to the toy store
- Go to a movie by yourself
- Call an old friend
- Fingerpaint, Doodle
- Build with blocks. Build a tower and knock it down
- Build with Legos
- Spend time with your pet
- Wash your car with a friend
- Pick dandelions
- Have a water-gun fight
- Play Hopscotch
- Have a snowball fight with somone
- Paint a Room in your house
- Read a book
- Take a vacation
- Take a nap
- Count and roll loose change
- Throw nerf balls, koosh balls or bean-bags at a wall (available at most toy stores)
- Remind Yourself "It'll be Ok"
- Take a deep breath, count to 10
- Ask your therapist to make a tape with you that you can use during difficult times
- Go to a favorite "safe" location (beach, park, woods, playground, etc.)
- Think of advice you'd give someone else... and take it!
- Say something good about yourself
- Use Self Affirmation tapes and books... and make your own affirmations (use notebooks, index cards, tapes, post-it notes, journal)
- Meditate, use Relaxation
- Call a Hotline
- Have a pillow fight or punch a pillow
- Do gardening or housecleaning
- Play your favourite game as a child
- Spend time with a sibling
- Hold and/or tell your favorite stuffed animal or doll your feelings
- Find an ICQ, AOL or e-mail pal or join a chatroom for support
- Stay in touch with others through contact - don't isolate yourself
And lastly, a list of how to stay grounded, also from something fishy.
Ideas for when you feel out of control, are having a flashback and/or need grounding...
- Remind yourself "I'm going to be ok" and "I'm not crazy"... this is a normal part of the recovery process
- Plant your feet firmly on the ground and rub your head to force yourself into your body
- Count up 1 to 10 then back 10 to 1
- Say outloud things you see and smell
- Touch the wall, the floor and objects close to you
- Call someone on the phone
- Walk around and watch your own feet - listen to the sound
- Listen to yourself breathe - Do deep breathing
- Listen to music and count the beats
- Don't be afraid to ask for help
- Hug someone safe
- Hold someone's hand (someone safe)
- Tear up paper, throw ice, chew ice chips
- Visualize the memory as an object and put it "away" (for example, the memory is a blue rubber ball and you put it in a toybox)
- Focus on details... leaves on trees, blades of grass, fibers in carpet
- Call your therapist
- Call a Hotline
- Hold and/or talk to a stuffed animal
- Fight the voices - change the negatives to positives
- Play an instrument
- Gently wash your face, hands or hair
- Do gardening, shovel snow or mow the lawn
- Color in a coloring book
- Rock in a rocking chair
- Touch a familiar object that you carry with you (keys, a necklace) or listen to your watch ticking
- Hold and pet your cat or dog
- Make a list of things to do or shopping list
- Write down who and where you are
- Pray, talk yourself down or yell
- Say what you feel outloud, even if you have to yell or cry!
- Change your environment... walk out of the room, touch something different, change the sounds around you (put on music, turn on the tv, etc.), eat something different and "safe", smell something different (perfume, flowers, food, grass, etc.)
- Visualize a stop sign
- Dance to music
- Say outloud "I am here right now"... assure yourself that this is a normal process for you
- Do self-affirmation... read books, listen to tapes and write down good things about yourself
- Identify your triggers (things that make you feel badly or have bad memories or flashbacks)
Mirasol embraces a whole foods nutritional approach that simply means using mostly unadulterated, unprocessed foods that appear as they do in nature when we eat them. Whole grains, plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, wholesome lean meats, fish, legumes, nuts, seeds, and vegetable proteins are the majority of food sources that we focus on at Mirasol. These foods comprise the ingredients in these delicious and healthful recipes.
Feeling energetic, strong, healthy and alive is priceless. That is what Mirasol recipes have to offer. Life!
Today's Recipe:
A Holiday Recipe from Mirasol
Hermits
Makes 24 bars
½ cup butter, softened (no substitutions)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¾ cup brown sugar, packed
½ teaspoon cloves
½ light molasses or honey
½ teaspoon nutmeg
2 eggs
1/8 teaspoon allspice or “pumpkin pie spices”
1 ¾ cups flour
¾ cup raisins
2 teaspoons baking power
¼ cup chopped nuts
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon baking soda
Cream butter and sugar. Add molasses and eggs and beat well. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Spread in greased 9X13 pan and bake at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes. Cool and cut into squares.