The first time i purged was when my first born child was one. Her father left me on mothers day, i had not been able to loose the baby weight ,and i feelt like i was alone,fat,and no one would ever want me....throwing up worked. I lost weight, got my life on track. had a new boyfriend, my husband wanted me back and life went on.
twelve years, three more kids, a divorce and a continued issues with bulimia later....here i sit.
now I'm 32. Over the years i have been Able to walk away from it when i feelt it had served its purpose. I would go years with out purging. I would loose weight, and feel good. no need to purge. thn somethng will crop up, whatever it may be. loss, grief, sadness, anything negative. then i would eat,and eat and eat. then feel worse,and worse. now I know its out of control. I feel sick. feel like im dying. I dont want to leave my kids. I dont want to leave his legacy.
I have told my boyfriend of eight years about the bulimia. he doesnt know what to do any more than i do. he just ignores it. And most the time i try to hide it.
I tried to talk to my mother,and he response was " no wonder your teeth are so bad. you shouldnt bake as much as you do " then she left me hanging.
I feel totaly alone with this terrible burden...and idont know what to do.
